Thursday, February 28, 2008

People smile and tell me I’m the lucky one

When I woke up this morning it took me a moment to realize that the horrible dream I had just dreamt was not real. In it, my arms had been ripped from my body in a terrible accident and it hurt like hell. My shoulders were still burning with a familiar, deep ache when I awoke. Yesterday morning I was greeted with aching hips, but told myself it was just from overdoing it the day before. Damnit, I thought the arthritis was done with me. I haven't been eating the healthiest these last few weeks, maybe working on that will help. Ugh, what a pain. If my body can barely manage being 29, how will it handle aging beyond 30?

If there is a positive spin to put on this, it's that it made me investigate vaccines before Claire was born. I'm not sure I would have thought twice about giving her the recommended schedule otherwise, and she might be the one suffering the side effects instead. I would gladly take this for her, so until I get this under control again I'll remind myself of that. Just call me Pollyanna.

I'm getting better at reading and responding to Claire's sleep cues, so today was a little easier in that regard. I had a 9:30 conference call for work - those always stress me out because I worry about having a loud baby in the background prompting my boss to ask, "don't you have daycare?" To which I would have to respond, "No! I lied to you in my interview. I don't have daycare so my time is split between work and caring for my newborn, who will always come before work."

But today I noticed her getting tired at 8:45 so I nursed her to make sure she would be full for a few hours, and put her in the sling facing me. After turning on the radio (rather loudly, too - she loves music) I began the laps. Just walking a big circle around the staircase on the main floor gets boring, so I switched it up and did figure eights incorporating the couch, the kitchen table, the center island. When plain walking didn't do the trick, I hit the stairs. Luckily (hah!) the house looks like a tornado hit, so I had plenty of clutter to put away; working as inefficiently as possible, I slowly got some things put away while walking up and down the stairs as many times as possible. Have I mentioned that my pre-pregnancy jeans now need a belt to stay up???

Needless to say, she was fast asleep with her face buried in my chest by 9:30, and the meeting went well. She slept for 2 hours so I got a good chunk of work done, too. Later on she had another good nap, falling asleep almost immediately after I got her situated in the sling. And when she woke up a few hours after that, I flipped her around so she was facing out and together we put away the non-perishable groceries I didn't have time to put away when I got home from the store last night. I'm still living life in increments of about 2 hours, and I pushed my (her) limits last night. By the time I got home she was starving so I had to throw the perishables into the fridge and freezer like I was on a game show being timed, then dash to my little baby bird who was impatiently waiting for me with her mouth wide open. She is so darn cute, even after a frantic day of rushing to get things done and giving her every ounce of everything I have, I have to surrender to the grin that spreads across my face every time I see her.

Yes, I am indeed a lucky one.

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