The following was written by Neil Z. Miller, ThinkTwice.com
Many “scientific” studies are literally nonsense. This is not a conspiracy theory. For example, the Journal of the American Medical Association recently published a paper showing that one-third of “highly cited original clinical research studies” were eventually contradicted by subsequent studies. The supposed effects of specific interventions either did not exist as the original studies concluded, or were exaggerated.
Vaccine studies are often funded by the vaccine manufacturer. Lead authors of important studies that are used to validate the safety or efficacy of a vaccine are often beholden to the manufacturer in some way. They may own stock in the company or are paid by the manufacturer to travel around the country promoting their vaccines. Lead authors may receive consultation fees, grants or other benefits from the drug maker. Although many people consider this unethical or corrupt, in the world of immunizations this is acceptable practice, condoned by the FDA and other governing health authorities.
Sometimes study conclusions contradict core data in the study. It is not unusual to read the abstract or summary of a major paper touting a vaccine’s apparent safety or benefits, only to find that upon examining the actual paper, including important details, the vaccine is shown to be dangerous and may have poor efficacy as well. The media is reluctant to publish anything that challenges the sacrosanct vaccine program. Newspaper articles about vaccines, and reviews of vaccine studies that are published, merely mimic the original spurious conclusions.
In some instances, study results may be preordained. For example, when the vaccine-autism link became a public concern, vaccine proponents hastened to produce authentic-appearing studies that contradicted genuine data. Years ago, tobacco companies used this very same ploy. They financed numerous bogus studies ostensibly “proving” that cigarettes didn’t cause cancer. The real studies got lost in the muddle. Sadly, it’s all too easy to obfuscate truth and deceive the public. At the infamous Simpsonwood conference held in Norcross, Georgia, experts knew that mercury in vaccines was damaging children. They had irrefutable proof—the very reason for convening the meeting. However, instead of making this important information public, they hatched a plan to produce additional “studies” that denied such a link. In fact, vaccine proponents had the audacity to claim in some of these papers that mercury in vaccines not only doesn’t hurt children but that it actually benefits them! In the topsy-turvy world of overreaching vaccine authorities, the well-documented neurotoxic chemical mercury somehow makes children smarter and more functional, improving cognitive development and motor skills. Of course, this is absurd. Numerous real studies document mercury’s destructive effects on brain development and behavior.
Another ploy used by vaccine proponents is to design studies comparing vaccinated people to other vaccinated people. Honest studies would compare them to an unvaccinated population. In addition, vaccine control groups rarely receive a true placebo, which should be a harmless substance. The scientific method has always been predicated upon removing all potentially confounding influences. However, many vaccine studies do not conform to this integral component of valid research. This is an important concept to grasp. For example, when the safety profile of a new vaccine is being tested, one group may receive the experimental vaccine containing aluminum while the “control” group receives an injection of aluminum as well (rather than water or another harmless substance). When vaccines are compared in this way, that is, to other substances that are capable of causing adverse reactions, the vaccine appears safer than it really is. Whenever this deceptive tactic is utilized, officially acknowledged adverse reactions to a vaccine may represent only a fraction of the true potential risks to the recipient.
It should also be noted that some clinical studies that are used to license vaccines exclude people in certain groups. For example, they may be too young, too old, pregnant, ill, or have other preexisting health ailments. However, once the vaccine is licensed, it may be recommended for people in these groups. Much like using false placebos, this unethical practice artificially inflates the vaccine’s safety profile and places more children at risk for adverse reactions.
Although some studies are mere propaganda, part of a larger disinformation campaign designed to promote a vaccine agenda, other studies link vaccines to debilitating and fatal diseases. For example, the British Medical Journal published data correlating the haemophilus influenzae type b (Hib) vaccine to rising rates of type 1 diabetes. The hepatitis B vaccine has been linked to autoimmune and neurological disorders. Guillain-Barré syndrome—a serious paralytic disease—is a well-known adverse reaction to the flu vaccine. These are just a few of the many scientifically documented correlations between vaccines and incapacitating ailments that are documented in the medical literature.
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For more information about vaccines, read the Vaccine Safety Manual by Neil Z. Miller (I highly recommend this book; I will warn you, it's hard to put down!)
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Thursday, January 14, 2010
16 Things
Reposted from Facebook, with some slight changes including pictures
1. Mark and I lived together before we were married. Before we started dating, even! I was renting out the upstairs of his house, so technically he was my landlord. And I found the ad for his place online, so when we started dating I fondly referred to him as my "internet boyfriend."
2. I enjoyed eating dirt as a kid. Ok, not really, I just really like this picture!
3. Mark seems to think that he's Paul Bunyan, and I'm Babe the Blue Ox
4. I won a Crayola coloring contest when I was 8. The prize was a soccer ball.
5. I have a pretty good memory, and have been called The Memory Bank by friends. I can still recite all fifty states in alphabetical order, something I learned in 5th grade, and when I was playing the piano regularly I could memorize a song by playing it just a few times.
6. I have a Mini Me
7. When I was little (preschool?) I went through a phase where I insisted on wearing my favorite tshirt with rainbow hearts on it every day. I usually accessorized with jelly bracelets up to both elbows, and red and white striped legwarmers. My mom was so embarrassed that she went in to talk to my teacher, who reassured her that this is normal behavior for the age group. In elementary school I also refused to wear my Brownie uniform because I thought it was ugly, and in pictures I'm the only girl wearing her Brownie sash over a purple dress.
8. After graduating high school, I moved to Atlanta to attend the Art Institute. I stayed for a few years after graduating college, but finally missed Minnesota so much that I decided to move back. Two weeks later, my brother and I were road tripping it up in my Mustang. I love Minnesota but now I miss my family so much it hurts. I'm so torn - I wish Minnesota was closer to Georgia and Texas!
9. I was in labor for 17 hours with Claire, and delivered her under water after 2.5 hours of pushing; the thought of using pain meds or an epidural never even crossed my mind. I labored at home until I hit transition, and I wished we had planned a homebirth because I would have been more comfortable just staying put. I believe every woman is capable of drug-free childbirth, it just takes education and preparation.
10. I believe that, regardless of how her children came into this world - without drugs, with drugs, c-section, adoption - a woman should be proud of herself because it's never easy.
11. When I worked for Wells Fargo, I played on the office softball team. I was by far the worst player on the team, but I still enjoyed playing.
12. I won a contest for reading more than anybody in my grade the summer between 6th and 7th grades (something like 13,000 pages). My homeroom teacher read this announcement in front of the whole class on the first day of 7th grade, and I was so embarrassed that I never went to claim my prize.
13. When I was in elementary and middle school I loved writing and designing clothes. I wrote and "published" several chapter books and catalogs of my fashions (the catalogs even had ads and contests like my Teen magazines at the time had). The books were about three best friends who had sleepovers and solved mysteries together, and my clothing line was called Alyssa Lynn. Watch for these in stores near you for Christmas '09.
14. I am terrified of Willky Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I love it and watch it when I have the chance, but I have to leave the room sometimes. It's what most of my nightmares are made of.
15. My joints crack so loudly that I oftentimes wake Claire as I'm leaving the room after getting her down for a nap.
16. Sometimes I wish I lived on a farm
1. Mark and I lived together before we were married. Before we started dating, even! I was renting out the upstairs of his house, so technically he was my landlord. And I found the ad for his place online, so when we started dating I fondly referred to him as my "internet boyfriend."
2. I enjoyed eating dirt as a kid. Ok, not really, I just really like this picture!
3. Mark seems to think that he's Paul Bunyan, and I'm Babe the Blue Ox
4. I won a Crayola coloring contest when I was 8. The prize was a soccer ball.
5. I have a pretty good memory, and have been called The Memory Bank by friends. I can still recite all fifty states in alphabetical order, something I learned in 5th grade, and when I was playing the piano regularly I could memorize a song by playing it just a few times.
6. I have a Mini Me
7. When I was little (preschool?) I went through a phase where I insisted on wearing my favorite tshirt with rainbow hearts on it every day. I usually accessorized with jelly bracelets up to both elbows, and red and white striped legwarmers. My mom was so embarrassed that she went in to talk to my teacher, who reassured her that this is normal behavior for the age group. In elementary school I also refused to wear my Brownie uniform because I thought it was ugly, and in pictures I'm the only girl wearing her Brownie sash over a purple dress.
8. After graduating high school, I moved to Atlanta to attend the Art Institute. I stayed for a few years after graduating college, but finally missed Minnesota so much that I decided to move back. Two weeks later, my brother and I were road tripping it up in my Mustang. I love Minnesota but now I miss my family so much it hurts. I'm so torn - I wish Minnesota was closer to Georgia and Texas!
9. I was in labor for 17 hours with Claire, and delivered her under water after 2.5 hours of pushing; the thought of using pain meds or an epidural never even crossed my mind. I labored at home until I hit transition, and I wished we had planned a homebirth because I would have been more comfortable just staying put. I believe every woman is capable of drug-free childbirth, it just takes education and preparation.
10. I believe that, regardless of how her children came into this world - without drugs, with drugs, c-section, adoption - a woman should be proud of herself because it's never easy.
11. When I worked for Wells Fargo, I played on the office softball team. I was by far the worst player on the team, but I still enjoyed playing.
12. I won a contest for reading more than anybody in my grade the summer between 6th and 7th grades (something like 13,000 pages). My homeroom teacher read this announcement in front of the whole class on the first day of 7th grade, and I was so embarrassed that I never went to claim my prize.
13. When I was in elementary and middle school I loved writing and designing clothes. I wrote and "published" several chapter books and catalogs of my fashions (the catalogs even had ads and contests like my Teen magazines at the time had). The books were about three best friends who had sleepovers and solved mysteries together, and my clothing line was called Alyssa Lynn. Watch for these in stores near you for Christmas '09.
14. I am terrified of Willky Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I love it and watch it when I have the chance, but I have to leave the room sometimes. It's what most of my nightmares are made of.
15. My joints crack so loudly that I oftentimes wake Claire as I'm leaving the room after getting her down for a nap.
16. Sometimes I wish I lived on a farm
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Origins Of Arthrito-Girl
- Extraordinary powers and abilities: check.
- A motivation, such as a sense of responsibility, a formal calling, a personal vendetta against criminals, or a strong belief in justice and humanitarian service: check.
- A backstory that explains the circumstances by which the character acquired his or her abilities as well as his or her motivation for becoming a superhero: check.
- A supporting cast of recurring characters: check.
- A distinctive costume, often used to conceal the secret identity: do sweats and uncombed hair count?
- A secret identity that protects the superheroes friends and family from becoming targets of his or her enemies: no, not really.
- Independent wealth: not so much.
I never would have imagined that pumping gas or holding a toothbrush would present such serious obstacles for me at the ripe old age of 22, but there I suddenly was one day. A Yoga and Pilates instructor, I was as healthy and active as I thought I could be. I had just moved solo across the country to return to my home state and was excited to be independent. I was finally on my own, free to make my own decisions; the world was my oyster. With a newfound sense of responsibility, I had gotten a "real" job, found my own place to live, began saving for retirement, and gone to the doctor to update my shots. Because those are things that responsible people do, right?
For months I made excuses for these sudden and nagging symptoms. "I must have slept funny last night, this will go away by lunchtime." "This is part of being an adult; I'm just getting old!" "Desk jobs are inhumane, nobody can make it 8 hours without wanting to curse or sob from the aches and pains of sitting." My burning joints, severely aching muscles, pounding headaches, ringing and overly sensitive ears, weight gain, hair loss, and trouble sleeping finally got the best of me and I realized that something had to be done. I was numb when my family doctor told me, "I think you have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Tinnitis, but I'm going to refer you to some specialists to be sure." I spent the next 2 years seeing a team of doctors at the Mayo Clinic, and spent thousands of dollars on MRIs, CT scans, X-rays, joint scans, blood tests, and physical exams. The diagnoses: Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Tinnitis, and Telogen Effluvium...in other words, a body that's suddenly falling apart for no apparent reason.
In addition to the testing, I tried about a dozen different pharmaceuticals over those 2 years. Ranging from benign-sounding non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, to the scary cancer and malaria drugs which are "borrowed" for use in rheumatology, disease-modifying anti-rheumatics to steroids; some drugs caused awful side effects that required more pharmaceuticals to combat the side effects and/or damage. Through this entire mess Mark kept me in good spirits and continued to make me smile with the nickname Arthrito-Girl. After two years and a lot of grief (but no relief of my symptoms) I had had enough; I "fired" my doctors and weaned myself from the worthless drug-of-the-moment. I hired a personal trainer because I knew I needed to get moving again but I was afraid of hurting myself more, and I started paying more attention to living a healthy, chemical-free lifestyle...two intuitive choices that were sure to have less side effects than any of the drugs I had been on. And wouldn't you know it, within a matter of weeks I was feeling some improvement! About a year later I was feeling pretty darn good and healthy, and up to the challenge of pregnancy and motherhood, so we tried and I became pregnant. I was ecstatic! What a nice turn of events :)
While I was pregnant another mom I knew mentioned the risks of vaccines and brought up the fact that newborns today are bombarded with 6 shots, containing 8 different vaccines, at their 2 month checkup, in addition to several (often unnecessary) interventions at birth. This is just the beginning; this continues every 2 months and by the 12 month appointment it's 9 shots (containing 13 different vaccines). My first reaction was to think, "well, why would we decline something that is designed to help us?" But my new mommy-instinct inspired me to at least look into it and make an educated decision. What I found shocked me...I started to wonder why so many parents were allowing doctors to inject these known toxins into their tiny infants, and in such large doses. And the more I dug into it, the more disgusted I was. Even moreso when I discovered that my symptoms, the same symptoms that came on suddenly and all at once for no apparent reason, were common reactions to a vaccine I had received around that time. I remembered the exact day I first noticed the symptoms, it happened to be the same day I started my new promotion at work; I called human resources and confirmed that date. I dug out my medical records from the filing cabinet (responsible adults keep accurate records, right?) and caught my breath; I had gotten a flu shot 2 weeks before that day, and MMR and DT shots about 6 weeks before that day. It doesn't take a genius to do the math with all of these facts; these vaccine injuries, which the government has admitted can happen with the shots I got, happened within their given time frame. I later talked to a doctor who deals with vaccine injuries on a pretty regular basis, and she confirmed that I was likely injured by those vaccines.
So there you have it, in a nutshell, a large chunk of my motivation and backstory. The extraordinary powers have built gradually as I've regained my strength and confidence. I don't intend for this blog to be all about vaccines and their dangers, although the topic is bound to come up. Rather, this blog is a place for me to share my adventures in parenting and learning about health, nutrition, cooking, crafty projects, gardening, photography, going green, and a million other topics. I am not trying to convince people to blindly make the same choices that I make, but I do hope that my experiences will motivate other people to make educated decisions - no matter what they are.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
"I Quit This B!@%#"
[Reposted from my old blog]
I think this happened a few years ago now, but it's still awesome. Have you heard Arnetta the Moodsetta quitting live on the air? If not, you have to check it out.
This is relevant because I gave Fidelity my notice earlier this week, so I am almost a free woman! Woohoo! I didn't do it with as much flair as Arnetta, unfortunately, but it still feels pretty darn good. Mark and I have been talking about this for a while now - we knew this job probably wouldn't be a long term thing, but we had no idea whether it would be a few months or a few years. At first it was pretty easy working and taking care of Claire because all she did was nurse and sleep in my lap while I sat at the computer and worked. But now that she's cruising along the furniture and getting into everything it's become impossible to juggle both her and the job. In trying to do everything and be Superwoman I'm succeeding at nothing.
Her latest adventures involve searching through the kitchen cupboards and pulling everything out to investigate more. So I've been rearranging in a flurry, putting glass and other inappropriate toys in safer spots, and moving tupperware and other plastic items to the bottom cabinets. We also pushed the family room couches and ottomans back to close off the two doorways; it helps to corral her in there with toys while I work, although soon she'll be able to crawl over the barrier. She can already crawl up the entire staircase when I let her (spotting her the entire way, of course). She still loves her perches at the windows in the dining and family rooms. The window ledges are at just the right height for her to rest her elbows on as she scopes out the neighbors - she kind of looks like the neighborhood gossip. hehe The backyard is great because our house backs up to a soccer field and walking paths, and there are always games being played, people walking dogs, or big city mowers cutting the grass. Yesterday there were 3 big mowers with flashing lights racing around, and Claire squealed every time they flew by. I wanted to ask them if they could mow every day, just to keep her occupied so I could get some stuff done. And that's how it's been these last few months - searching desperately for things to keep her occupied so I can quick squeeze in some work. I resigned myself to the fact that daytime work was nearly impossible and relied on the evenings when Mark was home to help, but with him being in school until nearly 10 pm every Monday and Tuesday, and occasional overnight business trips and evening meetings it wasn't enough. Whew, what a relief!
I'm also excited about my Bradley training in a few weeks, especially because it's in Atlanta and we scheduled an extra week to spend with my family beforehand. I miss them so much!
So life is about to change drastically. Only one income, but more time to spend with Claire and keep up with cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. Soon I'll be certified to teach childbirth classes, and maybe next year I can go for Yoga certification again, too. I've been learning more about traditional foods, and recently brewed my first batch of kombucha tea - and this healthier lifestyle has given me more energy so just think of how much I'll be able to accomplish when I have an extra 40 hours to give to myself and my family each week! I'm still a little nervous about the change, but I know it was the right decision.
Gotta run. I need to plan Claire's first birthday party which is NEXT MONTH. Holy crap, where did the time go?!
I think this happened a few years ago now, but it's still awesome. Have you heard Arnetta the Moodsetta quitting live on the air? If not, you have to check it out.
This is relevant because I gave Fidelity my notice earlier this week, so I am almost a free woman! Woohoo! I didn't do it with as much flair as Arnetta, unfortunately, but it still feels pretty darn good. Mark and I have been talking about this for a while now - we knew this job probably wouldn't be a long term thing, but we had no idea whether it would be a few months or a few years. At first it was pretty easy working and taking care of Claire because all she did was nurse and sleep in my lap while I sat at the computer and worked. But now that she's cruising along the furniture and getting into everything it's become impossible to juggle both her and the job. In trying to do everything and be Superwoman I'm succeeding at nothing.
Her latest adventures involve searching through the kitchen cupboards and pulling everything out to investigate more. So I've been rearranging in a flurry, putting glass and other inappropriate toys in safer spots, and moving tupperware and other plastic items to the bottom cabinets. We also pushed the family room couches and ottomans back to close off the two doorways; it helps to corral her in there with toys while I work, although soon she'll be able to crawl over the barrier. She can already crawl up the entire staircase when I let her (spotting her the entire way, of course). She still loves her perches at the windows in the dining and family rooms. The window ledges are at just the right height for her to rest her elbows on as she scopes out the neighbors - she kind of looks like the neighborhood gossip. hehe The backyard is great because our house backs up to a soccer field and walking paths, and there are always games being played, people walking dogs, or big city mowers cutting the grass. Yesterday there were 3 big mowers with flashing lights racing around, and Claire squealed every time they flew by. I wanted to ask them if they could mow every day, just to keep her occupied so I could get some stuff done. And that's how it's been these last few months - searching desperately for things to keep her occupied so I can quick squeeze in some work. I resigned myself to the fact that daytime work was nearly impossible and relied on the evenings when Mark was home to help, but with him being in school until nearly 10 pm every Monday and Tuesday, and occasional overnight business trips and evening meetings it wasn't enough. Whew, what a relief!
I'm also excited about my Bradley training in a few weeks, especially because it's in Atlanta and we scheduled an extra week to spend with my family beforehand. I miss them so much!
So life is about to change drastically. Only one income, but more time to spend with Claire and keep up with cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. Soon I'll be certified to teach childbirth classes, and maybe next year I can go for Yoga certification again, too. I've been learning more about traditional foods, and recently brewed my first batch of kombucha tea - and this healthier lifestyle has given me more energy so just think of how much I'll be able to accomplish when I have an extra 40 hours to give to myself and my family each week! I'm still a little nervous about the change, but I know it was the right decision.
Gotta run. I need to plan Claire's first birthday party which is NEXT MONTH. Holy crap, where did the time go?!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
"Is this his first time at the fair?"
[Reposted from my old blog]
Last Tuesday Mark took the day off and we headed to the "Great Minnesota Get-Together", the state fair. We didn't go last year because I was hugely pregnant and my parents were in town to help us get Claire's room ready, and I wouldn't have had the energy to go even if we hadn't been so busy. So we found a decent parking spot about 6 blocks away from the entrance, and as I was tying Claire up in the sling an older couple walked by. "Is this his first time at the fair?" The woman asked with a pleasant smile. heh!
The weekend before last, we were at my friend's house for her daughter's first birthday, and I couldn't help laughing when a toddler ran sobbing to her mom, while pointing at Ava, "that little boy pulled my hair!" And Ava has even more hair than Claire does! Oh, and one more hair thing while we're on the subject. We got Claire's Halloween costume: a MN Gopher's cheerleader. It's the cutest little outfit, and I lamented to Mark that it's too bad we can't put her hair up in pigtails with ribbons. When he suggested, as a joke (I think), that we get her a wig, for some reason I pictured sweet little Claire in a huge Dolly Parton wig and started laughing. Poor kid :)
Claire and I were back at Target today, and after commenting on the sling the cashier made a comment that she sees us in there all the time (which is accurate, because we are there all the time). I don't think I've made one trip out of the house without at least one person asking me about the sling, which Claire is always in. I feel like a celebrity! Well, maybe not a celebrity, as that kind of implies glamour or something. Who knows, to them I may be comparable to the grown man who whizzed by me today on a bike wearing Zubaz and pink tennis shoes. Because I'll definitely remember him if I see him around again. I guess I feel noteworthy.
Wow, I started this post almost a week ago, and haven't had a chance to get back to it until today! And I probably won't have time to come back for another week after today, so I better finish up now. My mom is flying in today and I'll be picking her up from the airport in about 2 hours. I'm so excited! Claire is getting into everything and making the cutest faces and noises these days. I have never been more entertained in my life. She has this fake sounding laugh she does, usually when everybody else is laughing and she wants to be like everybody else. Sometimes she does it after one of us tells a bad joke, almost as if on cue. She wrinkles her nose, opens her mouth, and tilts her head back - it's so cute, I need to get it on video. That, and her new fish face.
Uh oh, she's going for the ungated stairs - gotta run!
Last Tuesday Mark took the day off and we headed to the "Great Minnesota Get-Together", the state fair. We didn't go last year because I was hugely pregnant and my parents were in town to help us get Claire's room ready, and I wouldn't have had the energy to go even if we hadn't been so busy. So we found a decent parking spot about 6 blocks away from the entrance, and as I was tying Claire up in the sling an older couple walked by. "Is this his first time at the fair?" The woman asked with a pleasant smile. heh!
The weekend before last, we were at my friend's house for her daughter's first birthday, and I couldn't help laughing when a toddler ran sobbing to her mom, while pointing at Ava, "that little boy pulled my hair!" And Ava has even more hair than Claire does! Oh, and one more hair thing while we're on the subject. We got Claire's Halloween costume: a MN Gopher's cheerleader. It's the cutest little outfit, and I lamented to Mark that it's too bad we can't put her hair up in pigtails with ribbons. When he suggested, as a joke (I think), that we get her a wig, for some reason I pictured sweet little Claire in a huge Dolly Parton wig and started laughing. Poor kid :)
Claire and I were back at Target today, and after commenting on the sling the cashier made a comment that she sees us in there all the time (which is accurate, because we are there all the time). I don't think I've made one trip out of the house without at least one person asking me about the sling, which Claire is always in. I feel like a celebrity! Well, maybe not a celebrity, as that kind of implies glamour or something. Who knows, to them I may be comparable to the grown man who whizzed by me today on a bike wearing Zubaz and pink tennis shoes. Because I'll definitely remember him if I see him around again. I guess I feel noteworthy.
Wow, I started this post almost a week ago, and haven't had a chance to get back to it until today! And I probably won't have time to come back for another week after today, so I better finish up now. My mom is flying in today and I'll be picking her up from the airport in about 2 hours. I'm so excited! Claire is getting into everything and making the cutest faces and noises these days. I have never been more entertained in my life. She has this fake sounding laugh she does, usually when everybody else is laughing and she wants to be like everybody else. Sometimes she does it after one of us tells a bad joke, almost as if on cue. She wrinkles her nose, opens her mouth, and tilts her head back - it's so cute, I need to get it on video. That, and her new fish face.
Uh oh, she's going for the ungated stairs - gotta run!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
"If I were Bionic Woman, what would I wear?"
[Reposted from my old blog]
Numerous people (ok, two, but Mark agreed) have told me that I need to see Freaks and Geeks, and last night Mark and I finally got the chance to watch the first three episodes. Afterwards I was wishing Blockbuster was closer to our house, and that I could somehow stay up later than I already had (11:00! Wayyyy past my bedtime!) so we could watch more. "Everyone" was right - I love that show! I love Bill, and so far my favorite moment from those first three episodes has to be when he's in front of the mirror dressed up as Bionic Woman. I'm surprised we didn't wake Claire up, we were laughing so loud.
"Everyone" is a funny expression. It's used so loosely. That bugs me, yet I do it, too. I'm extra bugged by it right now because of a recent experience, one that is so stupid and petty that I can't even believe I'm bringing it up (or that it bugged me at all), but I need to purge this and move on.
Ok. So I have this friend (another loose term). I should write a whole book about her, as this is probably one of the most dysfunctional relationships of all time. She's pregnant and on bedrest, so Claire and I brought her lunch last week. I was asking her if she had narrowed down her list of names, and she told me what they had decided on, and then she was silent for a moment before breaking out her next statement.
"Everyone is so horrified when I tell them that you like the name Margo, they can't believe you'd consider naming a child that."
What? I was busy wrangling Claire, who was getting into a stash of electronics on the table next to Pregnant Friend's (PF) nest on the couch (Claire loves laptops, cell phones, remotes, etc.) so it took me a mintue to process her remark. All I could say was "really? That's weird, I think it's a fine name." Maybe you had to hear her tone, or maybe you just have to know her. But the way she said it, you'd have thought I said I was naming my baby Satan. And the funny thing is, I'm not even pregnant, and haven't been talking about names for my own family in nearly a year. I told her I liked the name Margo last summer, before we decided on Claire. So where did this come from? And why would anybody ever phrase a comment in such a rude and inflammatory way? Oh yeah, because this is her MO. I don't know why I'm surprised.
Who is this "everyone" she's speaking of, and why is she talking about me with them? It was probably, like, two people who said they're not fans of the name when she phrased the question in a leading way. But it bugs me that she gets such pleasure out of hurting and insulting people. I don't care about the comment itself; I still think Margo is a fine name and I wouldn't let her comment alone sway my decision if we end up considering it for a future daughter. What bugs me is how manipulative she is. She's always trying to stir things up and get some drama going. She probably wanted me to ask who it was so I would get mad and want to gossip with her about them. Sorry lady, not interested.
And obviously if you're reading this you don't know her; I am not trying to be gossipy or start drama of my own. I have been slowly trying to distance myself from her for the last few years, but it's been harder than I thought. Maybe I should just make a clean break and be done with her? Maybe I'm making this harder than it needs to be? Maybe it's only sticky and convoluted because I'm allowing it to be that way. Hmm. I guess I've never broken up with a friend before. I'm not sure what the protocol is for this sort of thing. Do you call them up and say "I don't want to be your friend anymore, so lose my number and don't expect any more calls from me"? Do you just keep declining invitations, ignoring calls and emails, and hope they get the hint? Is there a Hallmark card for this? I've been declining invitations, but feel bad totally ignoring her when she calls or emails - especially since she's on bedrest and in a time of need. I can't just drop her right now.
I don't want to be a total jerk. But why? Because that's exactly what she has been to me for many years. In middle school she always had a mean remark to make, like, "Aidan Brown (name has been changed) thinks you have a really flat chest. He called it a sunken treasure." I didn't even have any classes with Aidan. I only knew who he was, and being that I was one of the quietest kids in the school, I'm quite certain he had no idea who I was. But I was so crushed by this remark, for years I was incredibly self conscious of my entire body and what other people must have been thinking about it. Over the next few years she told me that other people made similar comments, all of whom I didn't know (and again, who probably didn't know of me, either). I was too naive to notice that, although not voluptuous by any means, my chest was probably twice as big as hers.
And the funniest part? About five years ago Mark and I hosted a How to Host a Murder party with a luau theme. PF's character was a hula girl, so she wore a tank top with a coconut bra over it; another friend of ours has a husbande with a distinct/sometimes offensive sense of humor who made a typical-to-him comment about her not quite filling out her coconuts, and she got so mad that she left the party. The party she was supposedly helping me host. And then a few years later she got implants. So it kind of makes me wonder if people were making comments to *her* back then, and she decided to put that on me for some reason. Just to be mean? To see how I'd react? Who knows. Anything involving PF somehow gets really complicated on a consistent basis. There was another time when she made a double date for us to play tennis with these two guys we went to school with, and the more we played, the more pissed off they got. I was kind of the innocent bystander who didn't know either of them so I didn't know how to react. She just told me she had been asked out, but didn't want to go alone so I'd be doing her a favor to come along and make it a double. And then later I learned she had been building me up for weeks telling them I claimed to have a "lightning serve," among other skills. They were pretty good players and were expecting an even match, and thought I was cocky and over-confident about my skills. I wouldn't have like me, either!
It's like she has to put other people down, make other people look/feel bad, in order to feel better about herself. I can think of so many examples of this, and wish I had realized this long ago. It would have saved me many hurt feelings and missed opportunities. And it's pretty obvious that my self esteem took a big hit, for me to put up with this for so long. It's like the classic abusive relationship. "Nobody else will love me; I'm lucky to have her, so I better put up with this bullshit or I'll be alone."
So, short story long. I need to "break up" with this friend. But I would feel like a complete jerk abandoning her when she's pregnant and on bedrest. But then I remember that she's *always* in a state of crisis that would make me feel bad about this. There will probably never be a good time, and prolonging it is only giving her more chances to do what she does best. I can't believe I've put up with this for so long. I need to think about what made me allow this to go on, and do something about it. I need to be a better role model for Claire.
Numerous people (ok, two, but Mark agreed) have told me that I need to see Freaks and Geeks, and last night Mark and I finally got the chance to watch the first three episodes. Afterwards I was wishing Blockbuster was closer to our house, and that I could somehow stay up later than I already had (11:00! Wayyyy past my bedtime!) so we could watch more. "Everyone" was right - I love that show! I love Bill, and so far my favorite moment from those first three episodes has to be when he's in front of the mirror dressed up as Bionic Woman. I'm surprised we didn't wake Claire up, we were laughing so loud.
"Everyone" is a funny expression. It's used so loosely. That bugs me, yet I do it, too. I'm extra bugged by it right now because of a recent experience, one that is so stupid and petty that I can't even believe I'm bringing it up (or that it bugged me at all), but I need to purge this and move on.
Ok. So I have this friend (another loose term). I should write a whole book about her, as this is probably one of the most dysfunctional relationships of all time. She's pregnant and on bedrest, so Claire and I brought her lunch last week. I was asking her if she had narrowed down her list of names, and she told me what they had decided on, and then she was silent for a moment before breaking out her next statement.
"Everyone is so horrified when I tell them that you like the name Margo, they can't believe you'd consider naming a child that."
What? I was busy wrangling Claire, who was getting into a stash of electronics on the table next to Pregnant Friend's (PF) nest on the couch (Claire loves laptops, cell phones, remotes, etc.) so it took me a mintue to process her remark. All I could say was "really? That's weird, I think it's a fine name." Maybe you had to hear her tone, or maybe you just have to know her. But the way she said it, you'd have thought I said I was naming my baby Satan. And the funny thing is, I'm not even pregnant, and haven't been talking about names for my own family in nearly a year. I told her I liked the name Margo last summer, before we decided on Claire. So where did this come from? And why would anybody ever phrase a comment in such a rude and inflammatory way? Oh yeah, because this is her MO. I don't know why I'm surprised.
Who is this "everyone" she's speaking of, and why is she talking about me with them? It was probably, like, two people who said they're not fans of the name when she phrased the question in a leading way. But it bugs me that she gets such pleasure out of hurting and insulting people. I don't care about the comment itself; I still think Margo is a fine name and I wouldn't let her comment alone sway my decision if we end up considering it for a future daughter. What bugs me is how manipulative she is. She's always trying to stir things up and get some drama going. She probably wanted me to ask who it was so I would get mad and want to gossip with her about them. Sorry lady, not interested.
And obviously if you're reading this you don't know her; I am not trying to be gossipy or start drama of my own. I have been slowly trying to distance myself from her for the last few years, but it's been harder than I thought. Maybe I should just make a clean break and be done with her? Maybe I'm making this harder than it needs to be? Maybe it's only sticky and convoluted because I'm allowing it to be that way. Hmm. I guess I've never broken up with a friend before. I'm not sure what the protocol is for this sort of thing. Do you call them up and say "I don't want to be your friend anymore, so lose my number and don't expect any more calls from me"? Do you just keep declining invitations, ignoring calls and emails, and hope they get the hint? Is there a Hallmark card for this? I've been declining invitations, but feel bad totally ignoring her when she calls or emails - especially since she's on bedrest and in a time of need. I can't just drop her right now.
I don't want to be a total jerk. But why? Because that's exactly what she has been to me for many years. In middle school she always had a mean remark to make, like, "Aidan Brown (name has been changed) thinks you have a really flat chest. He called it a sunken treasure." I didn't even have any classes with Aidan. I only knew who he was, and being that I was one of the quietest kids in the school, I'm quite certain he had no idea who I was. But I was so crushed by this remark, for years I was incredibly self conscious of my entire body and what other people must have been thinking about it. Over the next few years she told me that other people made similar comments, all of whom I didn't know (and again, who probably didn't know of me, either). I was too naive to notice that, although not voluptuous by any means, my chest was probably twice as big as hers.
And the funniest part? About five years ago Mark and I hosted a How to Host a Murder party with a luau theme. PF's character was a hula girl, so she wore a tank top with a coconut bra over it; another friend of ours has a husbande with a distinct/sometimes offensive sense of humor who made a typical-to-him comment about her not quite filling out her coconuts, and she got so mad that she left the party. The party she was supposedly helping me host. And then a few years later she got implants. So it kind of makes me wonder if people were making comments to *her* back then, and she decided to put that on me for some reason. Just to be mean? To see how I'd react? Who knows. Anything involving PF somehow gets really complicated on a consistent basis. There was another time when she made a double date for us to play tennis with these two guys we went to school with, and the more we played, the more pissed off they got. I was kind of the innocent bystander who didn't know either of them so I didn't know how to react. She just told me she had been asked out, but didn't want to go alone so I'd be doing her a favor to come along and make it a double. And then later I learned she had been building me up for weeks telling them I claimed to have a "lightning serve," among other skills. They were pretty good players and were expecting an even match, and thought I was cocky and over-confident about my skills. I wouldn't have like me, either!
It's like she has to put other people down, make other people look/feel bad, in order to feel better about herself. I can think of so many examples of this, and wish I had realized this long ago. It would have saved me many hurt feelings and missed opportunities. And it's pretty obvious that my self esteem took a big hit, for me to put up with this for so long. It's like the classic abusive relationship. "Nobody else will love me; I'm lucky to have her, so I better put up with this bullshit or I'll be alone."
So, short story long. I need to "break up" with this friend. But I would feel like a complete jerk abandoning her when she's pregnant and on bedrest. But then I remember that she's *always* in a state of crisis that would make me feel bad about this. There will probably never be a good time, and prolonging it is only giving her more chances to do what she does best. I can't believe I've put up with this for so long. I need to think about what made me allow this to go on, and do something about it. I need to be a better role model for Claire.
Food, Glorious Food
[Reposted from my old blog]
We've started Claire on solid foods. What an adventure! First it was avocado - and can I tell you, nobody in the history of mankind has ever looked so cute with green paste smeared in their hair, up their nose, inside their ears. It's ridiculously adorable. And watching her eat is so entertaining. We skipped purees and baby food and are going the "baby led weaning" route (weaning as in transitioning to food, not as in weaning from breastfeeding. I think this is a British term. She is still nursing, and probably will for another year or so.) This means that we give her managable chunks of safe foods, the perfect size for her to grasp in her fist, and she feeds herself. No spoons. The theory is that if she's developmentally ready to hold onto the food and put it into her mouth, then she's able to safely swallow it, too. I've read a lot about this and watch her like a hawk while she eats, and so far it's been working really well for us.
So back to the avocado. It's one of my favorite foods, and Mark loves it, too, so we thought it was only natural to make it Claire's first food. Plus it has a nice, bland taste and soft texture, and it's a powerhouse in the nutrition department. She is always interested when I put a few slices on her tray, and immediately picks one up and experimentally squeezes it in her fist. Green mush squishes out from between her fingers, bringing a smile to her face. Then she puts it in her mouth and lightly chews on the end sticking out of her fist, getting little bits of the soft meat in the process. The taste and texture are still new to her, so she makes funny faces that almost make me think she doesn't like it - but she keeps coming back for more, so it can't be that bad. And then she swallows those little bits, shuddering as they go down. What an odd feeling it must be to eat for the first time when you're only used to drinking. It's such a fun and messy process!
Last week I baked some butternut squash, which my mom tells me was Holly's first pureed food - and happens to be one of her favorite foods to this day. Claire and Holly are so much alike, I thought it was fitting for squash to be next in line. So I baked a few small organic squashes and cut them into french fry-shaped pieces once they cooled. They were soft enough to be gummed, but still not quite as mushy as the avocado. Claire did not approve, and after taking several bites started heaving and threw up the few small chunks she had swallowed. I wondered if it was the texture, so I mashed a little bit with a fork and helped her eat with a spoon, but she had the same reaction so I decided to call it a day and wait to reintroduce it some other day. Most recently we tried very-ripe banana slices, which were pretty close in texture to the avocado. She accepted them, but not with the same enthusiasm she had for the avocado.
I cannot wait until she can eat "real" food, I have a feeling she's going to love Mexican! I wouldn't be surprised, because I ate a lot while I was pregnant and she still gets the taste through my milk now. That's the beauty of nursing: babies experience many different tastes depending on what their mom eats. I think once she gets used to eating, she'll have a healthy appetite for lots of different flavors.
Speaking of food, one of my new favorite items is Ezekiel bread. It has sprouted grains, so the nutritional content is much higher. I recently discovered the benefits of sprouted grains, so I've tried sprouting my own as an experiment (just garbanzo beans, so far). I love a few slices of the Ezekiel bread toasted, smeared with several tablespoons of butter - yummmm! And I know what you're thinking, that butter is unhealthy. But I would urge you to do some research (try www.westonaprice.org for starters), and you'll see that saturated fats are NOT as bad as they have been made out to be. They are actually necessary for good health, and it's the rise in vegetable oil consumption that coincides with the rise in heart disease. Isn't that something? All these years we've been told to avoid butter and load up on vegetable oil. Our ancestors had the right idea, and the closer we can get our diets to resemble theirs, the healthier we'll be. It's sad that we have more knowleldge and technology today, yet we're unhealthier than ever. The processed and artificial foods we're eating can't even be called food anymore.
But anyways. It's getting late. I can see lightning in the distance, and I'm hoping for a storm tonight. Time for bed.
We've started Claire on solid foods. What an adventure! First it was avocado - and can I tell you, nobody in the history of mankind has ever looked so cute with green paste smeared in their hair, up their nose, inside their ears. It's ridiculously adorable. And watching her eat is so entertaining. We skipped purees and baby food and are going the "baby led weaning" route (weaning as in transitioning to food, not as in weaning from breastfeeding. I think this is a British term. She is still nursing, and probably will for another year or so.) This means that we give her managable chunks of safe foods, the perfect size for her to grasp in her fist, and she feeds herself. No spoons. The theory is that if she's developmentally ready to hold onto the food and put it into her mouth, then she's able to safely swallow it, too. I've read a lot about this and watch her like a hawk while she eats, and so far it's been working really well for us.
So back to the avocado. It's one of my favorite foods, and Mark loves it, too, so we thought it was only natural to make it Claire's first food. Plus it has a nice, bland taste and soft texture, and it's a powerhouse in the nutrition department. She is always interested when I put a few slices on her tray, and immediately picks one up and experimentally squeezes it in her fist. Green mush squishes out from between her fingers, bringing a smile to her face. Then she puts it in her mouth and lightly chews on the end sticking out of her fist, getting little bits of the soft meat in the process. The taste and texture are still new to her, so she makes funny faces that almost make me think she doesn't like it - but she keeps coming back for more, so it can't be that bad. And then she swallows those little bits, shuddering as they go down. What an odd feeling it must be to eat for the first time when you're only used to drinking. It's such a fun and messy process!
Last week I baked some butternut squash, which my mom tells me was Holly's first pureed food - and happens to be one of her favorite foods to this day. Claire and Holly are so much alike, I thought it was fitting for squash to be next in line. So I baked a few small organic squashes and cut them into french fry-shaped pieces once they cooled. They were soft enough to be gummed, but still not quite as mushy as the avocado. Claire did not approve, and after taking several bites started heaving and threw up the few small chunks she had swallowed. I wondered if it was the texture, so I mashed a little bit with a fork and helped her eat with a spoon, but she had the same reaction so I decided to call it a day and wait to reintroduce it some other day. Most recently we tried very-ripe banana slices, which were pretty close in texture to the avocado. She accepted them, but not with the same enthusiasm she had for the avocado.
I cannot wait until she can eat "real" food, I have a feeling she's going to love Mexican! I wouldn't be surprised, because I ate a lot while I was pregnant and she still gets the taste through my milk now. That's the beauty of nursing: babies experience many different tastes depending on what their mom eats. I think once she gets used to eating, she'll have a healthy appetite for lots of different flavors.
Speaking of food, one of my new favorite items is Ezekiel bread. It has sprouted grains, so the nutritional content is much higher. I recently discovered the benefits of sprouted grains, so I've tried sprouting my own as an experiment (just garbanzo beans, so far). I love a few slices of the Ezekiel bread toasted, smeared with several tablespoons of butter - yummmm! And I know what you're thinking, that butter is unhealthy. But I would urge you to do some research (try www.westonaprice.org for starters), and you'll see that saturated fats are NOT as bad as they have been made out to be. They are actually necessary for good health, and it's the rise in vegetable oil consumption that coincides with the rise in heart disease. Isn't that something? All these years we've been told to avoid butter and load up on vegetable oil. Our ancestors had the right idea, and the closer we can get our diets to resemble theirs, the healthier we'll be. It's sad that we have more knowleldge and technology today, yet we're unhealthier than ever. The processed and artificial foods we're eating can't even be called food anymore.
But anyways. It's getting late. I can see lightning in the distance, and I'm hoping for a storm tonight. Time for bed.
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