Things I won't miss

I love being pregnant, don't get me wrong. I fully understand and appreciate what a gift this is, and I am especially thankful that I've now had two healthy, 40+ week gestations without any major complications. I love these maternal curves, how food tastes better than ever during the 2nd trimester, feeling the baby kicks and twirls, and dreaming about what the future holds with this new family member.

I love it so much that I know I will miss being pregnant after the baby is born, like I did with Claire, even though I will be incredibly happy to have him/her in my arms. So, as a reminder for my future self, here are the things I will NOT miss about being pregnant. I want to look back on pregnancy with positive memories, but I don't want to waste energy on missing it...I think this will help. Here's what I won't miss:

• The frustration of dropping something, or needing to bend down to pick something up; the fact that I wonder, "do I really need this item? Is there anything else I can do while I'm down there? Maybe Claire could hand it to me, instead."
• Becoming breathless from simply walking across a room, let alone walking up the stairs. It takes forever to get things done!
• Not being able to lift or carry large or heavy items. Strong nesting urges paired with the inability to move furniture or haul large boxes of unwanted items to the curb or the Goodwill can really cramp a mama's style.
• Getting heartburn from a few sips of water, especially when I still want to eat a meal!
• Outgrowing some of my maternity clothes. I refuse to buy more when I only have a few weeks left, so I've just dealt with a limited wardrobe (including a really nerdy Spice Girls tshirt I got as a joke in high school. Not to be outdone, Mark strutted out of the closet one day wearing a Boys II Men concert tshirt...which he actually got at a concert.)
• Wishing we had access to a crane or bulldozer that would make rolling over or getting out of bed easier tasks.
• Not being able to fully hug Mark and Claire (or anybody else, for that matter).
  
• Moving "wrong" and feeling my hips shift unpleasantly out of alignment. When I feel and hear that distinct *snap!* on either side of my spine I know I'm in for it. These hormones have really loosened my joints up, which is good for the delivery but not so good for anything else. I've also read that the hormone relaxin may somehow be related to Fibromyalgia, which would explain the flares I've had during obvious hormone surges. It's no fun when every cell in your body aches! Thank goodness it's temporary, and hasn't happened often throughout this pregnancy.
  
• Speaking of hormones, the way I cry when I watch birth videos. I try so hard to maintain composure, but my eyes always spill over when the baby is born and I see the look of joy on the mom's face. Oh, wait, that happens even when I'm not pregnant!
  

Hypocrite

I never wanted to be one of those parents who operate with the "Do as I say, not as I do" philosophy, but tonight turned out to be one of those instances.

Earlier this evening Claire was coloring in a notebook with markers at her little table while Mark and I were sitting at the big kitchen table talking. I looked over to check on her - she had been awfully quiet for a while - and noticed that she was busily coloring both of her arms and hands with the green marker. Not wanting Mark to miss out on the scene, I stifled a laugh and motioned for him to turn that way. They're washable markers so we weren't terribly concerned, but the line needs to be drawn somewhere; when she starts drawing on herself, the walls and furniture are next on her list. She seemed to be concentrating pretty hard on one of her wrists, so I quietly snuck over with the camera to take a video and was promptly busted. After checking out her arm art I reminded her that markers are for paper only, not for drawing on ourselves. She responded by coloring baby's nose green, and then doodling on her chair and the windowsill. Toddlers and self control...

Despite her protests and attempts to mark up other areas of the house, Mark and I ended up putting her markers away with a reminder that we don't draw on ourselves or the furniture, which induced a minor tantrum of sorts in Claire. Her face wrinkled in agony that only a frustrated 2 year old knows, she walked over to the pantry door and threw Baby inside as hard as she could before slamming the door shut. Then, of course, she realized that she wanted Baby back so she started banging on the door, sobbing "Baby! Baby!" Poor kiddo...such big emotions. So we retrieved Baby and she fell into my arms to finish unloading, and soon all was well again. The markers safely tucked away in an upper cupboard, Claire went about the rest of the evening with the message that we don't color on anything but paper.

Fast forward a few hours. I had forgotten during the marker episode that I had somebody coming over tonight, somebody I had hired to color on my skin. A local artist was coming over to do pregnancy henna on my belly. The timing seemed like it was going to work out well: Mark and Claire usually go upstairs around 6:30 to start the bedtime routine (brushing teeth, pajamas, reading books) and Victoria was planning to arrive shortly after that because it was the only time that worked for both of our busy schedules. Unintentionally at first, I figured Claire wouldn't see her or know that she had even been here - and now that the marker incident had occurred, it seemed better that she wasn't going to witness the hypocrisy firsthand. That was the plan, at least.

Long story short, Claire didn't fall asleep right away and ended up coming downstairs (a rare occurrence these days), and saw the lady drawing on Mama's belly just a few hours after Mama had told her that we don't draw on ourselves. I felt like such a hypocrite! But Claire was unphased, and took great interest in the process so we let her stay up a few hours later than usual.

If only I'd known what a fun and relaxing process this is, I'd have done it during Claire's pregnancy, too. I feel so pretty and pampered! And it's so enjoyable for the mom that babies love it, too; our little guy or gal spent most of the time stretching and rolling with big, sweeping motions. Victoria did a beautiful job, and we had so much fun chatting. I can't wait to take some portraits this weekend when the henna will be at it's darkest. We don't have many belly shots yet, and this finished product is gorgeous...what a fun way to celebrate this pregnancy and the largeness of my belly :)

These pictures were taken about halfway through...the finished design is amazing. I plan to post better pictures this weekend :)


While we waited for my belly art to dry, Victoria even did a little henna heart on Claire's hand, and then she applied magenta glitter - so cute! Claire was really good about holding it out to keep from smearing it...for about 5 minutes. Then she abruptly wiped it off. Notice the leftover green marks from the incident earlier in the evening. ("Hypocrite! Hypocrite!") Mark had a hard time getting a clear picture because she was wiggling and dancing around in excitement. I think she'll still have a faint heart on her hand tomorrow, since it stayed on for at least a few minutes, so I'll try to get a good picture.

So I foresee two possible things resulting from tonight:
1. Claire may be even more inspired to draw on herself now, and who can blame her? I'll laugh if she starts drawing on her belly.
2. Claire will NEVER want to go to bed again, thinking we have parties like this every night after she goes upstairs.

These next few nights should be interesting...

Splish Splash

Big day at the Nelson residence: we set up the birth tub for our planned homebirth!

Claire thought all of the activity was pretty exciting, and spent most of the day joyfully singing and dancing around us as Mark and I prepared the room. Here's Mark finishing up with the air pump - notice his wizard hat...
(Ok, really it's a lampshade that I inadvertently caught at just the right angle, but it looks pretty funny at first glance, doesn't it?)

Taking a moment to inspect the tub, but still singing and dancing




Mark and Claire discussing what the tub is going to be used for, and how exciting it is that we get to meet our new baby pretty soon. Claire says she is excited to snuggle the baby, and to teach it how to juggle and play catch someday.
It's been really fun watching Claire grow over the course of this pregnancy. She's had the benefit of seeing her 4 best friends recently become big brothers and sisters, and she actually seems to understand what's going on. She likes to kiss and rub my belly, talk about what we'll do when the baby arrives, and she's become even more motherly with Baby, her little doll. She carries Baby around most of the day, cradling, kissing, swaddling, snuggling, and otherwise including her. When we read books together, Baby is always cozied up right there with us; when we color at Claire's little table, Baby is carefully tucked in Claire's lap (usually nursing.) She gets equally excited about seeing her friends and their new infant siblings, and it makes her day when she gets to hold a real baby on her lap. She likes to lean in and give the baby a gentle kiss on the temple or cheek, and always looks concerned if they grimace or cry. "It's ok, baby!" she says with a soft voice and a compassionate look.

I've also enjoyed watching Mark grow as a father. He's always been a wonderful dad, but as parents our job description changed dramatically as Claire graduated from baby to toddler; it was no longer just about loving Claire and meeting her needs, but also about considering her point of view and learning how to talk with and listen to her. Communication feels more like a two-way street with her now, which is wonderful and rewarding but it also brings new challenges.

I love when I'm given the chance to listen in on their conversations, whether it's about becoming a big sister or how to make toast and coffee. He's so patient and kind, always taking time to explain things to her in terms that she'll understand and involving her as often as possible (it's her job to push the bread down in the toaster, and to scoop the coffee into the coffeemaker...Mark sips his sometimes-gritty coffee with a smile and thanks her for her help.) Mark reminds me of my own dad: strong, caring, respectful, patient, fun. Dads like this don't consider spending time with their kids a chore, or as "babysitting," but as something to cherish and make the most of. They see the opportunities for fun and laughter, and understand that they are shaping a human life. As someone who grew up with an awesome dad like that, I know what a positive impact that has on a person for life. Those seemingly minor moments, those little chats and impromptu games with balls and balloons, mean so much.

That last picture of Mark and Claire chatting captures the dynamic of their relationship so well. I see moments like this between them all the time, and I'm so happy to have caught one on film (er, a memory card).

"I made a mistake!"

The infamous Terrible Twos are so commonly talked about and dreaded, I never expected to enjoy this age so much; I had no idea that 2 would be one of my favorite stages. Sure, I did a lot of babysitting as a teenager and I remember loving this age in other kids. But I figured that I was only seeing the best of these kids, kind of like a tv personality...anybody can look cheerful and nice for a limited number of hours each week, it's what 2 year olds did "off camera," or when the company went home, that I was a little leery about as we approached toddlerhood with Claire.

Of course we have our challenges, and it's not all fun and games at our house. I do agree that this can be a difficult age because toddlers want to be more independent, and their mental capacity may not always match up with their physical capabilities. It can also be difficult for adults to understand their words and behaviors at times, which is really frustrating for both sides and can lead to meltdowns (possibly on both sides, as well).

But what about all of the fun things about this age? Why is it such a secret that the Twos are also Terrific and Triumphant and Thrilling? I spend a good part of each day laughing at something Claire is doing or saying, or marveling over how quickly kids this age learn new things. Yes, it's annoying when Claire draws on the walls with black and red crayons, or on the tan leather couches with blue ink, or all over herself with every color marker within reach. But it's a rare occurrence, so far it's all been easily removed, and when she witnesses me noticing a new work of art for the first time she gets a concerned look on her face and points at the offending marks while saying dramatically, "Oh, no no!" Sometimes she'll even give me a "lecture" and explain to me that we only draw on paper.

Today in the car we were listening to a cd we're borrowing from the library, a compilation of jazzy kids' songs, when Claire started singing along. Her favorite track is Ella Fitzgerald's lively version of Old MacDonald. When I first caught a glimpse of her in the rear view mirror she was casually reclined with her hands clasped behind her head, elbows out. A few minutes later I looked back again to see her really getting into it, bopping along to the beat and waving her arms around. I couldn't help cracking up, and wishing I had a video camera permanently aimed at her. Even something as mundane as potty training has turned out to be amusing, with her joyful proclamations of "I did it!" or her know-it-all lectures explaining to us that everybody poops (after which she proceeds to list off all of our relatives and friends by name. If only they knew we were roping them into this!)

One of my favorite things about this age is Claire's ability to form strong bonds and relationships with people other than me and Mark. She even has inside jokes with my parents. For example, as their most recent visit with us came to a close, Claire was upstairs "helping" them pack when she got sidetracked and plopped down on the bed with a notebook and some markers. Mark and I were downstairs in the kitchen, but this is how my mom explained it to me: Claire would pick up a marker, take off the cap and place it to the side, and draw for a bit before replacing the cap and choosing another one. Then, again, she would take off the cap, set it aside, and draw for a bit. One time she took off the cap, set the marker down to the side, and almost started drawing with the cap before she noticed and exclaimed, "I made a mistake!" She dissolved into laughter, and to this day she can't say that phrase without laughing. Even while my mom was here over this last weekend, Claire would get a silly look on her face as she would look at my mom and repeat the phrase so they could laugh and relive the memory together.

I guess I don't know what I was expecting from this age, but clearly it was nothing near what we've been experiencing with her. It's so fun watching her personality and sense of humor develop along with all of the other milestones. All of this to say that I think the Terrible Twos have a bad rap. It's a misnomer. I hereby declare this age the Terrific Twos, and I hope that by renaming them I will inspire parents who are struggling with this age to step back and see things from another angle. If we go into something with a cloud like the word "terrible" hanging over us, we're bound to turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy. So I will continue to enjoy the Terrific Twos, and look forward to the Thrilling Threes and Fabulous Fours. I can't even imagine the fun we have yet to come.

Taking care of business

Nesting + spring cleaning + hosting company + having a really awesome mom who enjoys helping out = lots of progress

I've been nesting for months - and our house, the basement especially, has never looked better - so it's no surprise that this is continuing as the birth approaches. And this time of year always motivates me to take on certain projects to get ready for warmer weather, like packing away winter gear. Even Mark was hit with a touch of spring cleaning fever (and maybe even nesting fever, too!) because when I returned from dropping my mom off at the airport yesterday I barely recognized the garage...Claire's wagon and the bike trailer had been taken down from the rafters, the deck furniture that had previously been stacked in a corner were gone, and I couldn't put my finger on what else was missing, but the garage was a lot more spacious than usual. The whole house, inside and out, has been going through quite the transformation these last few months. We've even done some fine-tuning because we had people coming over for my blessingway and our first home prenatal visit...instead of simply relocating piles of clutter, they've been divided and conquered and sent to the appropriate places of rest (mostly the garbage can and recycling bin.) Ahhh...order and space...

The blessingway was absolutely beautiful, and so incredibly uplifting. It was kind of a spring cleaning for my soul in a way, a much-needed boost in emotional preparation for labor. For anybody who is wondering what a blessingway is, it's a ceremony based on the Navajo tradition of providing good tidings for anybody facing another stage in life (mothers about to give birth, men/women headed for war, etc.) This modern version for mothers-to-be is similar to a baby shower, only the focus is shifted from material gifts and funny games to empowering and supporting the mother. That's not to say that gifts aren't allowed; in my case, everybody was asked to bring a bead that will be strung into a necklace for me to wear during labor. After enjoying a potluck of delicious food, we sat in a circle and everybody took turns explaining why they chose their bead for me, and then offered a blessing and some kind words. It was funny to be sitting in a room full of strong women who I respect and look up to, and to hear them saying that they admire and are inspired by me! It was so heartwarming, and I wish I'd had a chance to tell each and every one of them what I love about them, too. Every mama-to-be deserves such treatment as they approach birth!

The home prenatal visit went really well, too. My mom got to hear the baby's heartbeat with the fetoscope, something I really wanted her to experience (the look on her face brought tears to my eyes), and we showed everybody where we'll be putting the birth tub and where my stash of supplies will be. Everything on my supply list is checked off and neatly stored in one of 3 big plastic tubs. It's been so much fun gathering everything and preparing for the big day, and it feels great to be done and ready to go.

In the not-so-fun department, I've also been dealing with the aftermath of the car accident. Claire, the baby and I are doing well, considering, and I am so thankful it wasn't more serious than it was. Our chiropractor has been taking excellent care of us, and it's a good thing we really like her because we're going twice a week now. I only wish getting to and from the appointments wasn't such a hassle...I can't lift Claire into her carseat, so she crawls up into it by herself (I'm sure you can imagine how long that would take a distractable 2 year old) and now we have to plan everything around these new circumstances. Plus, I already have so much to do, it's not very convenient having to clear my schedule for this stuff. And dealing with the insurance companies has been an annoying hassle. I know the guy didn't try to rear end us, but I sure wish HE could be dealing with the phone calls and reams of paperwork for me. In addition, I don't think I'll be able to fully relax until this baby is born so I know it is ok. Yes, the baby is protected within the womb, but the kind of impact we were hit with can cause issues with the placenta that may not be detectable until after delivery. Everything appears to be ok, but there is that small chance that a small detachment is compromising his/her health and safety. I'm doing my best not to worry.

So we're taking care of business, enjoying our last weeks of being a family of 3, and getting more excited by the day. Life is good :)

Tortuga

Nearly two weeks ago Claire and I took the car in to the dealership for an oil change (we had a decent coupon; normally I'm too cheap to pay dealership prices.) As with any outing including Claire, it was a fun adventure: watching the fish in the huge tank in the waiting area, coloring and drawing in the life-saving notebook we always keep in the diaper bag, spelunking underneath end tables with the mini flashlight which was also in the diaper bag, and pointing out letters on random signs. Oh, and let's not forget the trip to the bathroom, where Claire successfully went potty on the adult-sized toilet! I love how independent she is, pushing my hands away once I set her down on the seat - "all by myself!"

On our way out after paying, one of the employees pointed to a bucket full of flowers and asked if we wanted to pick one out. I let Claire choose, and this is the one we got. I can't believe it's still going strong almost 2 weeks later! I've changed the water a few times, but haven't cut the stem or anything else. It's been a cheerful addition to the kitchen this month.


Today we had a fun lunch - Mark came home with two co-workers who are visiting from Mexico. Claire was a little shy at first, but still greeted them with a quiet "hola!" and "como estas?" They were so nice, it was a really pleasant lunch. One of them brought a gift for Claire, this little turtle (pictured next to a lime to illustrate size...typical Nerdy Alyssa picture :)
I asked Claire if she could say "tortuga" and she said it perfectly in her sweet little voice. And then she proceeded to offer it a raisin, pausing a moment before responding with "No? Ok!" and then popped it in her mouth. She makes life so much fun...

Milk Freedom

This morning Claire and I headed to Wisconsin in support of real milk. I had been reading about the upcoming legislative hearing for weeks and really wanted to attend, but didn't think I'd be able to; at the last minute (8am) my schedule unexpectedly opened up and we were on the road by 9. The turnout at Chippewa Community College was great and by the time we arrived, about 15 minutes after it started, the auditorium was already packed and didn't even have standing room left. We didn't have to wait long before several classrooms were opened up for overflow where we watched the proceedings on tv. We met up with some friends who arrived shortly after we did, and I had the privilege of sitting between a farmer and an RN/health educator, both very knowledgeable and strong supporters of raw milk. This is our version of "the big game"...we spent almost 3 hours glued to the action, cheering at some points and rolling our eyes in disgust at others. "Seriously, you're going to compare the sale of raw milk to the sale of melamine-tainted baby formula?! Come on!"

One issue here is freedom of choice; if I want to drink unpasteurized milk, then I should be able to legally do so. It makes no sense that foods containing trans fats and other health-damaging toxins are legal to buy and consume, yet raw milk - which has proven health benefits - is such a problem. Raw milk is a living food with good bacteria (probiotics) and enzymes necessary for digestion. In milk from healthy, grass-fed cows, the good bacteria help to regulate the bad bacteria. The pasteurization process kills all of these benefits, rendering it a dead, nutrition-less food. My family of 2 adults and 1 toddler consumes 3 gallons of raw milk every week, and we have only seen our health improve in the 1.5 years we've been drinking it. And the same goes for the dozens of people we know who also favor unadulterated dairy. In fact, I know of more cases of food poisoning caused by pasteurized products than raw...when I was a kid in the '80s my mom became seriously ill and was hospitalized after eating Kemp's ice cream, thanks to an outbreak of Listeria. A quick Google search turns up numerous recent recalls for Kemp's ice cream alone. But that's not too surprising, considering where their milk and cream come from, and how it's handled. I won't get into the whole "cows weren't born to eat grain" argument right now, but the reality is that grain-fed cows are unhealthy and therefore produce unhealthy milk that justifies pasteurization (but still doesn't have health benefits). Milk from grass-fed cows is a completely different story, and should be treated as such.

Another issue is access - imposing strict regulations and requiring large amounts of paperwork is not going to change the safety. It is only going to hurt the small farmers - the very farmers we raw milk drinkers want to do business with. I love the fact that my farmers drink the raw milk their cows produce, too. They are a small operation committed to raising a healthy herd while improving the environment. I love the level of trust one is afforded when dealing directly with a farmer, as opposed to the national companies who see customers as nameless numbers. Who is going to strive for better quality, the farmer who knows the customers personally and invites them to the farm for a BBQ each summer, or the farmer who never sees customers but knows that his milk will be pasteurized?

I'm reminded of the recent peanut recall in 2009. I got a letter in the mail one day from Sam's Club, notifying me that a product I had purchased was included in this recall and they were offering me a full refund. I went in, confused, because I hadn't bought food from Sam's Club in over a year. "Which product was it?" I asked, thinking they must have me confused with another Nelson. "Let's see..." the employee scrolled through computer screen after computer screen until she located the offending product: Kashi granola bars that I had purchased just before I got pregnant with Claire. I think it was around January 2007. The same granola bars that I ate throughout my pregnancy. Lovely! Because of a negligent company who knowingly failed health inspections but chose to send products out anyways, my baby and I could have become seriously ill or died. And it took them nearly 2 years to trace the product to me to let me know! It's about accountability, and the large companies don't always have it. I put my trust in the farmers and producers I can meet face-to-face, and who have ways of contacting me within hours of detecting a problem, rather than 2 years later. Here's another great article about this issue.

These are some of the reasons it was so important for me to attend this hearing today. As a consumer I had to show my support for the small farmers who would be most affected by this bill. I'm so grateful that everything fell into place so I could go, and so thankful that Claire was content to tag along. She enjoyed the hour-plus drive to Eau Claire, loved the long walk from the student parking lot to the auditorium, and made lots of new friends throughout the day; all it took to keep her happy was some homemade granola, a notebook, a pen, and a baggie of crayons. Oh, and one of the hats pictured in this article. I should have gotten a picture of her wearing it!

Here's Claire in the walkway that ran over the busy street between the parking lot and auditorium - she's obsessed with tunnels, and loved how her voice echoed inside this one. She also loved the crowds of cool college kids, and was quite a hit with them, too :)