Arden's Birth Story, Part 1: The Birth

For more than a week before Arden was born I felt like labor was just minutes away. I think my body was just starting to prepare that far in advance, which translated to about 10 days of feeling extra sore, achy, crampy, headachy, and frustrated. Before bed each night I would make sure the house was spotless in case that night was the night, and every day I made sure we had plenty of food in the fridge and that everything was labeled just in case. I wanted everything to be perfect for when my birth team arrived, but after this many nights of anticipation I was finally too cranky to care one night. “I will be the first woman on Earth to be pregnant forever,” I thought to myself as I lugged my belly and aching joints up the stairs. It was only 9pm and the house wasn’t spotless, but I said a quick goodnight to Mark and went to bed.

This, of course, is the night labor finally started.

Around midnight a strong backache woke me from a deep sleep, and I tried to keep myself from wondering if this was it. I had gotten my hopes up so many nights (and days) before. Just as I was starting to drift off again, I felt another wave of tightness in my lower back. This is exactly how Claire’s labor started, so I waited for a few more to establish a pattern, and then woke Mark to give him a heads up. A good plan for labor is to ignore it as long as possible, and to get some fluids, food, a shower, and/or rest in the meantime. And that’s what I would have done, but by 12:20 contractions were lasting 1-2 minutes and were 6 minutes apart; there wasn’t much more I could do than to try and stay comfortable lying on my side in bed, just breathing through them. At this point I told Mark that contractions were “mild, but uncomfortable and definitely there.”

Claire’s labor lasted about 17 hours after this same sort of contraction started, but I also knew that a second labor could be significantly shorter – maybe by half – so we weren’t sure what to expect. It felt too early to call anybody, but by 12:49 I told Mark we should call our team so they could start making necessary arrangements. Mark called our midwife Jeanne (who called Sarah, our other midwife), our doulas Karen and Jody, and our photographer Allison, and then began filling the birth tub. We figured it would still be a long time, but I remember saying “wouldn’t it be cool if this baby was born by 6am, so that Claire could get a good night’s sleep and wake up to her new sibling?” We both laughed and continued with the laboring and tub-filling.

The contractions stayed centered in my lower back, and I tried a variety of positions to see which offered the most relief: side-lying on the bed, on my knees draped over the exercise ball, and leaning on Mark while standing. It was no contest, lying on my side supported by pillows was the best. I was able to completely relax and focus on long, deep breaths which made the contractions bearable. They began picking up, and at 2:30 they were 4 minutes apart and pretty strong, so I got in the birth tub. “Am I getting in too soon?” I wondered. I had only been laboring a few hours, and worried for a second that we were making too big a deal of this too soon. But it felt right and I was too busy concentrating on my breathing to worry for too long. A few contractions later I asked Mark to call Karen and Allison back – I still kind of wondered if it was too soon, but the contractions were getting more challenging and I felt like I needed my team.

I remember when Allison arrived, which according to Mark’s notes was 3:30. I was in the tub, draped over the side with my body floating out behind me. It felt so good to be weightless and comforted by the warmth of the water, and while I was too focused on laboring to do or say much else, Allison’s presence was really comforting. I remember her offering to light the candles I had set out around the room, so that Mark could continue to focus his energy on pressing his hands into my lower back. The counter pressure really helped with the back labor. The only problem was that I needed strong pressure during the contractions, but because my body was floating he was also pushing me down into the water. So I slid around to a long side of the oval tub and onto my knees, upper body still draped over the edge, and was able to get better traction without affecting my relaxation. This also made it easier for him to reach me, which was a good thing because soon I would need this pressure during and between contractions.

A few minutes after Allison arrived we heard Claire wake up, so Mark ran in to rub her back and get her back to sleep. I was open to the idea of Claire witnessing the birth – she had watched (and loved!) several birth videos and we had talked a lot about what would be happening, but I felt like sleep was a higher priority for her at 3am. I was glad when Mark returned solo a few minutes later, knowing Claire was getting some much-needed rest. Karen arrived ten minutes after Allison, and I was again comforted just knowing she was there. She knelt down in front of me and I looked up to see her kind eyes and smile looking back at me. Mark was busy adding more hot water to the tub so she casually dipped her fingers in the water to feel the temp, and asked how everything was going as if she did this sort of thing every day (which she kind of does, actually). I loved how relaxed she was about being there, and not having to worry about feeling self-conscious. There’s no time for that nonsense when you’re in labor.

“Maybe we should call Jeanne and Sarah,” I said a few minutes later. I was still in denial that things were progressing so quickly, but the need to have them there was stronger. Mark made the call at 3:52 and they both arrived within an hour. They came in quietly and began setting up the supplies I had organized in big plastic tubs off to the side, and I focused on the light crinkling of the plastic tarp beneath their feet as they gently moved about. What a lovely sound, reminding me that I was not alone. I was able to completely surrender to the power of the contractions without fear because I knew I was in good hands.

Suddenly something changed, around 5:00 according to the notes, and I asked if there was anything I could do to keep things moving along (as if progressing to contractions that are 2 minutes long and 4 minutes apart in 4 hours wasn’t fast enough?) Maybe a better position, or getting out to walk around? I was looking for a concrete answer, such as “get into a squatting position and the baby will magically appear in 5 minutes.” Or something like that. No such luck; they told me that a position change or walking around could certainly help, and asked what sounded best to me. “I just want this baby out now,” I said with a mix of determination and impatience. Walking sounded like the most drastic measure, so after the next contraction ended I announced that I wanted to get out and take a walk.

Working perfectly together as a team they helped me out of the tub, dried me off and wrapped me in a fluffy towel before I set out down the hallway headed for the stairs. I was being driven by some force with the goal to have this baby as soon as possible, but I still don’t know exactly what it was. Excitement to meet our new baby? Knowing that I hadn’t eaten for several hours or gotten much sleep, so my fuel may not last for very much longer? Maybe both, maybe something completely different.

I leaned against the railing during a contraction on my way to the top of the stairs, and instantly there was a set of hands expertly pressing against the small of my back and another hand gently stroking my arm. I think it was Karen who accompanied me down the stairs (things were so intense at that point, and I was so focused on my breathing that I am not quite sure who was doing what), and when I got to the bottom I had another strong contraction. Again, as soon as I got on my knees and leaned onto the bottom few stairs with my elbows there were hands helping me, pressing into the perfect spot on my back and readjusting the towel that was loosely wrapped around me. When it was over I trekked back up and headed to the guest bed which we had prepared in case I wanted to labor and/or birth there. I had a few contractions along the way and spent about 20 minutes laboring on my side in bed with the same constant and caring attention. What a blissful change from my hospital birthing experience – I was surrounded by strong support, both emotionally and physically, and I felt powerful enough to let go and allow labor to take over.

The last two notes scrawled onto the log Mark and Allison kept are:
5:25 – Back in the tub
5:28 – “I think I might feel like pushing.”

I remember saying that, and yet it didn’t even register in my brain until the words had passed through my lips. “I do?” I thought to myself, incredulously. It took a moment but I realized that, indeed, I did want to push. Mark was busy pressing his hands into my back so Karen knelt down in front of me and put her hands in mine. I pushed gingerly at first, still not quite certain that I was really this far into it because I couldn’t feel the head moving down yet. A few contractions and pushes later and I felt it. Things got even more intense, and I felt a twinge of fear creeping in. “Oh my gosh, I’m really doing this,” I thought. For the first time I felt strong discomfort that breathing alone couldn’t manage. With gentle words of encouragement from my team, I kept pushing through the discomfort and heard myself starting to make sounds for the first time. I grunted with each push as I felt the head descending.

Fear took over and I started thinking “I don’t want to do this. Can I just get a little break? I’m not ready yet. This is scary!” Time had finally picked up and I was acutely aware of each passing second. But it was like they were in my head, as if these wonderful and strong women knew exactly what I was thinking. At just the right moment one of them would say the most perfect and encouraging words. Because of this my pushes became more confident. I felt the baby crowning and I reminded myself that the only way out was through it, so I continued to push. Jeanne told me to reach down and feel my baby, but I couldn’t – I thought it would break my concentration – so she did. She later told me that she felt the head, and then she felt fingers…a compound presentation. She also told me later that she saw blood in the water before the baby even crowned, so she knew something was going on. But thankfully I had no idea at the time because of how calm she and everybody else remained.

Jeanne gently reminded me to slow down and birth the head slowly, and to keep breathing. My last few pushes were accompanied by loud grunts as the head made its way through, and then by screams that Mark later described as 3 octaves higher than any sound he had ever heard come out of me. The time? 5:59 am, just one minute shy of the time I had mentioned when labor first started. And suddenly there were hands reaching in supporting the baby under water behind me as I sat kneeling in the water, trying to catch my breath. They slowly guided our baby between my legs to the front and helped me lift it out of the water, and then eased me back to sit leaning against the tub. I was dazed, and just sat there cradling and staring at this beautiful little being; a towel was draped over the baby to keep it warm and Jeanne noticed the cord was a little short so she made sure I held the baby’s face up and out of the water without pulling on the placenta. The baby’s heartbeat was checked, and we lifted the towel so Mark could announce… “It’s a girl!” I was elated! What a beautiful and empowering experience for me, and a safe and healthy way for our little girl to enter the world: in the comfort of our own home, with the support of a team we love.

And just as I had hoped when labor began, Claire woke up a few minutes later so Mark brought her in to meet her new sibling. Perfect timing! She was still a little sleepy and seemed confused by the crowd of people and the new baby in Mama’s arms, but she came right over to inspect her sibling. I couldn’t say much, but I kept thinking, “I have two daughters…we’re a family of four now!”